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Love & Horror: My Valentine's Day Movie List

Ah Valentine's Day. A day of romance, happy couples, and love. Disgusting, right? If you're like me, then you probably hate Valentine's Day and see it for what it really is...a Hallmark event that was made to boost the economy after the holidays by having us spend money on worthless fleeting gifts like chocolates and flowers. Don't get me wrong: I enjoy love, chocolate and flowers. I just want to experience them on my own time. I don't need a calendar to tell me when I need to be romantic and I definitely don't want it forced on me. Plus, think of the poor single people! Do we really need to make them feel worse? Being single is hard enough.

So, if you want to beat the Valentine's Day blues, then celebrate how I do: with horror movies! Here are horror movies I recommend watching on Valentine's Day, whether you're with your significant other, friends, or just treating yourself.

1. My Bloody Valentine (1981 & 2009)

Let's start with the obvious, My Bloody Valentine, the only Valentine's Day themed horror movie out there (that is worthwhile at least). The original version is a Canadian slasher film that takes place in a mining town called Valentine Bluffs, on Valentine's Day, just in case you weren't sure if it was a Valentine's themed horror movie or not. The town used to hold a dance every year on Valentine's Day until two mining supervisors left the mine to go to the dance, causing an explosion that trapped the remaining miners. Harry Warden, the only survivor, resorted to cannibalism to stay alive and eventually went insane before being rescued. Once out, he killed the two supervisors that left him and resolved to kill again if another Valentine's Day dance was ever held.

Harry was thrown in an asylum and because this is a horror movie, the dumb mayor and townspeople forgot all about this horrible tragedy and resumed the dance again after a year. A year?!?! One time, when I was 5 at a dance recital, I was put on the wrong mark and was off for the rest of the dance. It is 23 years later and I still remember that moment. Vividly. The entire town of Valentine Bluffs had a gruesome mining accident and homicide and a year later they're all standing there like, "Guys, can you remember why we stopped the Valentine's Day dance? I can't. Let's get our freak on!" *Sigh* Horror movie logic. Cue the Valentine's Day killing jamboree, kicked off by a human heart being delivered to the mayor and chief of police in a iconic Valentine's Day chocolate box. The 2009 remake, which was the first ever R rated move to be made 3D, is the exact same move aside from the ending. Same characters, same plot, just a slightly different ending. I actually saw the remake when it was in theaters and I can attest that while the movie itself did not wow me, the 3D effects were pretty cool. Nothing says "in your face gore" more than an eyeball on the end of a pickax literally inches away from your face. So depending on your tastes, go with either version and have a bloody good time! Heck, if you have the same memory as the citizens of Valentine Bluffs, you can watch one, totally forget about it, and then watch the other one like it's a whole new experience!

2. Crimson Peak (2015)

A hauntingly beautiful and romantic ghost story by Guillermo del Toro. This gothic horror film is set in 1887 where heiress and budding author, Edith Cushing, falls in love with a baronet, Sir Thomas Sharpe, when he and his sister, Lucille, arrive in town looking for investors for his new invention. At first the plot seems generic. Couple fall in love. Father and close male friend who is in love with her disapprove. Dramatic things happen. Couple gets married anyway. But what makes this chilling tale so interesting is Edith's sixth sense. That's right, like her deceased mother, she can see ghosts and spirits. After marrying Sir Thomas, she moves into his decrepit mansion and (Surprise! Surprise!) she begins to see the tortured spirits of deceased women. Who are they and why are they trying to make contact with her? How did they get there and how did they meet their demise?

The raw emotions shared between Edith and Sir Thomas tantalizes the viewer and leads to some very sexy (and disturbing) moments throughout the movie. The brilliant mixture of practical effects and CGI produce some very effective and creepy monsters that are so tortured looking, it makes their pain palpable to the audience. Trust me, this is one messed up love story you don't want to miss. Bonus: You also get an excellent shot of Tom Hiddleston's butt. Need I say more?

3. Lo (2009)

A lesser known movie with a decent cult following, Lo is a highly unorthodox demon Rom-Com. It's cheesy and bizarre humor mixed with it's simplistic yet intriguing visuals makes you fall in love with the movie instantly. Although it looks homemade, I think it could be seen as part of it's charm and I personally find the idea as an impressive, intelligent way to approach a movie. Our movie takes place in the bedroom of our main character, Justin, although in the darkness all you see is him and the pentagram on the floor that he sits in. Justin fell in love with a strange girl named April Oak who, very much to Justin's surprise, is kidnapped by a demon! Don't you hate it when that happens? The only thing left behind by her is this creepy, demonic looking book, which has one page bookmarked: the summoning spell for a demon named Lo. Justin vows to find her, and summons Lo to search Hell for her, but learns she's not exactly who he thought she was.

Dancing demon bartenders, 1980s prom love ballads, and a possessed hand with a talking cut (which vaguely gives me Evil Dead vibes) are just some of the many wacky moments you have to look forward to when watching this gem. The demon makeups and prosthetics are done well and suit their characters respectively. This movie is up there on my favorite off color romances and you will root for our boy Justin to find his lady love.

4. Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

This is in my top 3 of all time favorite Dracula movies. Gary Oldman as Dracula makes your heart ache as he portrays the tragic backstory of this warrior that comes home from battle to find that his true love committed suicide upon false word of his demise. Vlad Dracula is told his love will go to hell for taking her own life, which causes him to renounce God and become the infamous Count Dracula we know (Complete with drinking blood from a cross. So metal!). I would hope if you've found this site that you don't need me to explain the story of Dracula, so let's dive into why I think this version is special and perfect for Valentine's Day.

First off, WAY better love story than Twilight. Vampires are portrayed the way they're supposed to be: tragic, romantic, and vicious. The movie sticks to the original source material, allowing Dracula to transform into bats, wolves, and even mist. He has the powers to influence and hypnotize and even drastically changes his age. Second, the acting is phenomenal, aside from Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker, who is unintentionally hilarious. Picture Ted from "Bill and Ted", but with a British accent. Anthony Hopkins is a great Van Helsing and also rises to the level that Gary Oldman performs at. The chemistry between Oldman and Winona Ryder is electric as you find yourself slowly falling in love with Dracula the same way she does. At first, there's confusion, but then there is an overwhelming desire to want him to like you. You don't even need to have a date while watching this movie. I'd rather pretend Dracula is my date because of how clearly dedicated he is to the woman he loves. However, everyone else is in danger of a painful and cursed death, as this Dracula has little remorse for his actions and no interest in anything, but Miss Mina Murray.

5. Braindead/Dead Alive (1992)

Known as Braindead in New Zealand where the film originates and as Dead Alive by us Americans, I first saw this film when I was a little kid (Like a single digit age. Best. Parents. EVER.) This is my all time favorite horror movie to watch on Valentine's Day. And no, it's not because of the relationship between Lionel and Paquita. Don't get me wrong, they're a super cute couple, but that's not why I watch this movie. I COME FOR THE GORE! Who wants to focus on all that gross pining and affection when you can replace it with blood, guts, and glorious, delicious gore? Yes boys and girls, this very well may be the goriest movie ever made, and it was co-written and directed by Peter Jackson before he made the Lord of the Rings movies. You may not see hobbits and orcs, but here are some of the things you will see: a preacher doing kung fu in a cemetery, a woman losing her ear in a bowl of custard and then eating it, a zombie birth, a zombie baby, a man using a lawn mower as a human food processor, a Sumatran rat monkey, and a giant, zombie, mother-monster sucking her full grown child back into her womb. I mean who doesn't want to see all that?!

I'm not going to even bother going over the story line, because frankly it is not important. What is important that you watch this movie immediately if you haven't seen it yet (but I recommend not eating beforehand). Braindead/Dead Alive is the best way to give Valentine's Day the big middle finger it deserves and enjoy some quality horror. So what are you waiting for? Check out how this story of true love gets torn to shreds by an overbearing mother and a slapstick horror zombie outbreak.

What do you think? Do you like my list? Is there a specific movie you enjoy on Valentine's Day? Let me know in the comments below!