Wednesday, March 31, 2021

Weird News of the Week

Pilot Reports Mysterious ‘Cylindrical Object’ Over Aircraft 
Click here to learn more

Could Humans Ever Be Venomous?
Click here to learn more

Grandma Spots 'Demon' Standing Over Grandchild's Bed
Click here to learn more

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Not So Comical Comics 2

Any flaws can be overlooked when family ties run deep. Click here to read.

The Human Chair
Still a better love story than Twilight. Click here to read.

Ok-Su Station Ghost
A drunk woman in a train station is not as she appears. Click here to read.

Thursday, March 19, 2020

Zombie Makeup Tutorial #1

Hi guys! After many trials and tribulations, I have finally finished the first makeup tutorial for The Horror Expert's YouTube channel. One of my favorite makeups to do is a good zombie makeup because there are just so many ways to make a zombie! Check out the first of many.

Click here to visit my channel and subscribe for more fresh content!

Friday, February 21, 2020

Weird News of the Week

Ghost Ship Found 75 Years After Disappearance
Click here to learn more

Sasquatch Siting? You Decide!
Click here to learn more

Police Find Human Tongues Preserved in Crawl Space
Click here to learn more

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Love & Horror: My Valentine's Day Movie List

Ah Valentine's Day. A day of romance, happy couples, and love. Disgusting, right? If you're like me, then you probably hate Valentine's Day and see it for what it really is...a Hallmark event that was made to boost the economy after the holidays by having us spend money on worthless fleeting gifts like chocolates and flowers. Don't get me wrong: I enjoy love, chocolate and flowers. I just want to experience them on my own time. I don't need a calendar to tell me when I need to be romantic and I definitely don't want it forced on me. Plus, think of the poor single people! Do we really need to make them feel worse? Being single is hard enough.

So, if you want to beat the Valentine's Day blues, then celebrate how I do: with horror movies! Here are horror movies I recommend watching on Valentine's Day, whether you're with your significant other, friends, or just treating yourself.

1. My Bloody Valentine (1981 & 2009)
Let's start with the obvious, My Bloody Valentine, the only Valentine's Day themed horror movie out there (that is worthwhile at least). The original version is a Canadian slasher film that takes place in a mining town called Valentine Bluffs, on Valentine's Day, just in case you weren't sure if it was a Valentine's themed horror movie or not. The town used to hold a dance every year on Valentine's Day until two mining supervisors left the mine to go to the dance, causing an explosion that trapped the remaining miners. Harry Warden, the only survivor, resorted to cannibalism to stay alive and eventually went insane before being rescued. Once out, he killed the two supervisors that left him and resolved to kill again if another Valentine's Day dance was ever held.

Harry was thrown in an asylum and because this is a horror movie, the dumb mayor and townspeople forgot all about this horrible tragedy and resumed the dance again after a year. A year?!?! One time, when I was 5 at a dance recital, I was put on the wrong mark and was off for the rest of the dance. It is 23 years later and I still remember that moment. Vividly. The entire town of Valentine Bluffs had a gruesome mining accident and homicide and a year later they're all standing there like, "Guys, can you remember why we stopped the Valentine's Day dance? I can't. Let's get our freak on!" *Sigh* Horror movie logic. Cue the Valentine's Day killing jamboree, kicked off by a human heart being delivered to the mayor and chief of police in a iconic Valentine's Day chocolate box. The 2009 remake, which was the first ever R rated move to be made 3D, is the exact same move aside from the ending. Same characters, same plot, just a slightly different ending. I actually saw the remake when it was in theaters and I can attest that while the movie itself did not wow me, the 3D effects were pretty cool. Nothing says "in your face gore" more than an eyeball on the end of a pickax literally inches away from your face. So depending on your tastes, go with either version and have a bloody good time! Heck, if you have the same memory as the citizens of Valentine Bluffs, you can watch one, totally forget about it, and then watch the other one like it's a whole new experience!

2. Crimson Peak (2015)
A hauntingly beautiful and romantic ghost story by Guillermo del Toro. This gothic horror film is set in 1887 where heiress and budding author, Edith Cushing, falls in love with a baronet, Sir Thomas Sharpe, when he and his sister, Lucille, arrive in town looking for investors for his new invention. At first the plot seems generic. Couple fall in love. Father and close male friend who is in love with her disapprove. Dramatic things happen. Couple gets married anyway. But what makes this chilling tale so interesting is Edith's sixth sense. That's right, like her deceased mother, she can see ghosts and spirits. After marrying Sir Thomas, she moves into his decrepit mansion and (Surprise! Surprise!) she begins to see the tortured spirits of deceased women. Who are they and why are they trying to make contact with her? How did they get there and how did they meet their demise?

The raw emotions shared between Edith and Sir Thomas tantalizes the viewer and leads to some very sexy (and disturbing) moments throughout the movie. The brilliant mixture of practical effects and CGI produce some very effective and creepy monsters that are so tortured looking, it makes their pain palpable to the audience. Trust me, this is one messed up love story you don't want to miss. Bonus: You also get an excellent shot of Tom Hiddleston's butt. Need I say more?

3. Lo (2009)
A lesser known movie with a decent cult following, Lo is a highly unorthodox demon Rom-Com. It's cheesy and bizarre humor mixed with it's simplistic yet intriguing visuals makes you fall in love with the movie instantly. Although it looks homemade, I think it could be seen as part of it's charm and I personally find the idea as an impressive, intelligent way to approach a movie. Our movie takes place in the bedroom of our main character, Justin, although in the darkness all you see is him and the pentagram on the floor that he sits in. Justin fell in love with a strange girl named April Oak who, very much to Justin's surprise, is kidnapped by a demon! Don't you hate it when that happens? The only thing left behind by her is this creepy, demonic looking book, which has one page bookmarked: the summoning spell for a demon named Lo. Justin vows to find her, and summons Lo to search Hell for her, but learns she's not exactly who he thought she was.

Dancing demon bartenders, 1980s prom love ballads, and a possessed hand with a talking cut (which vaguely gives me Evil Dead vibes) are just some of the many wacky moments you have to look forward to when watching this gem. The demon makeups and prosthetics are done well and suit their characters respectively. This movie is up there on my favorite off color romances and you will root for our boy Justin to find his lady love.

4. Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
This is in my top 3 of all time favorite Dracula movies. Gary Oldman as Dracula makes your heart ache as he portrays the tragic backstory of this warrior that comes home from battle to find that his true love committed suicide upon false word of his demise. Vlad Dracula is told his love will go to hell for taking her own life, which causes him to renounce God and become the infamous Count Dracula we know (Complete with drinking blood from a cross. So metal!). I would hope if you've found this site that you don't need me to explain the story of Dracula, so let's dive into why I think this version is special and perfect for Valentine's Day.

First off, WAY better love story than Twilight. Vampires are portrayed the way they're supposed to be: tragic, romantic, and vicious. The movie sticks to the original source material, allowing Dracula to transform into bats, wolves, and even mist. He has the powers to influence and hypnotize and even drastically changes his age. Second, the acting is phenomenal, aside from Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker, who is unintentionally hilarious. Picture Ted from "Bill and Ted", but with a British accent. Anthony Hopkins is a great Van Helsing and also rises to the level that Gary Oldman performs at. The chemistry between Oldman and Winona Ryder is electric as you find yourself slowly falling in love with Dracula the same way she does. At first, there's confusion, but then there is an overwhelming desire to want him to like you. You don't even need to have a date while watching this movie. I'd rather pretend Dracula is my date because of how clearly dedicated he is to the woman he loves. However, everyone else is in danger of a painful and cursed death, as this Dracula has little remorse for his actions and no interest in anything, but Miss Mina Murray.

5. Braindead/Dead Alive (1992)
Known as Braindead in New Zealand where the film originates and as Dead Alive by us Americans, I first saw this film when I was a little kid (Like a single digit age. Best. Parents. EVER.) This is my all time favorite horror movie to watch on Valentine's Day. And no, it's not because of the relationship between Lionel and Paquita. Don't get me wrong, they're a super cute couple, but that's not why I watch this movie. I COME FOR THE GORE! Who wants to focus on all that gross pining and affection when you can replace it with blood, guts, and glorious, delicious gore? Yes boys and girls, this very well may be the goriest movie ever made, and it was co-written and directed by Peter Jackson before he made the Lord of the Rings movies. You may not see hobbits and orcs, but here are some of the things you will see: a preacher doing kung fu in a cemetery, a woman losing her ear in a bowl of custard and then eating it, a zombie birth, a zombie baby, a man using a lawn mower as a human food processor, a Sumatran rat monkey, and a giant, zombie, mother-monster sucking her full grown child back into her womb. I mean who doesn't want to see all that?!

I'm not going to even bother going over the story line, because frankly it is not important. What is important that you watch this movie immediately if you haven't seen it yet (but I recommend not eating beforehand). Braindead/Dead Alive is the best way to give Valentine's Day the big middle finger it deserves and enjoy some quality horror. So what are you waiting for? Check out how this story of true love gets torn to shreds by an overbearing mother and a slapstick horror zombie outbreak.

What do you think? Do you like my list? Is there a specific movie you enjoy on Valentine's Day? Let me know in the comments below!

Monday, June 3, 2019

Weird News of the Week

Woman Divorces Ghost Husband with Exorcism
Click here to learn more

New Area 51 Underground Base Found
Click here to learn more

More Evidence of Mothman
Click here to learn more

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Top 10 Lesser-Known Horror Movie Villains

We all  know who Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees are in the horror world. One of my closest friends doesn't even like horror movies, but she knows Michael Myers is the killer in Halloween. Heck, you say the word cannibal and the first thing you think of is the name Hannibal...although why you were talking about cannibals, I don't want to know. There are tons of awesome horror movie villains out there, some that have become iconic, but not all get the attention they deserve. Here's my list of top 10 lesser-known horror movie villains that truly deserve more attention. And yes, there will be spoilers, so if you haven't seen the movie, you've been warned.

10. Sam - Trick ‘r Treat
Sometimes scary can come in a small package, exhibit A being Sam. Sam is definitely not your average trick or treater, and is one of the only people more dedicated to Halloween than I am. Halloween is his favorite holiday and he will teach a lesson to anyone who refuses to celebrate it and uphold it's traditions. Don't let his cute exterior fool you. Sure he looks like a little boy in orange footsie pajamas and a handmade, button-eyed, burlap mask...but don't you dare try to take that mask off or you'll regret it! He boasts powers such as regeneration, telekinesis, necromancy and more. I guess when you're that tiny and have so many people to punish, it's easier to raise an army of undead children to do your bidding for you. His weapon of choice when he's not clawing your eyes out: a pumpkin lollipop bitten into a shiv or a candy bar with razor blades hidden inside! Make sure you're prepared for next Halloween, or Sam might pay you a visit.

9. Billy - Black Christmas (1974)
Black Christmas is a great slasher and a great Christmas themed horror movie, but the villain Billy truly stands out. Why? Because we, the viewer, ARE Billy. Yes, that's right, every murder in the movie is shot from the point of view of the killer, putting the viewer in his shoes. You never see the killer's face. Creepy, right? I believe Black Christmas may have kicked off the sorority house killer trend. Billy loves to call up the sorority house and toy with the girls, saying obscene and threatening things to whoever picks up. Clearly a sick man, there is no rhyme or reason to Billy, why he kills, or who he kills first. We know virtually nothing about him, which is what makes him so scary. He could be your next door neigbor for all you know. That's why they always say "less is more", which is, in my opinion, one of the reasons the Black Christmas remake was so bad. Pro tip: Often, what we can imagine is much scarier than what most people can create. (Example of an exception: John Carpenter's The Thing) Fun Fact: Billy was the first horror movie villain to utilize the "I'm calling from inside the house trope. That's right! When A Stranger Calls came out five years later.

8. Pamela Voorhees - Friday the 13th 
Friday the 13th is one of the most well known horror movie series out there and is known for it's famous hockey mask wearing killer, Jason Voorhees. The odd thing is, despite Jason being the face of the series, he was not the original villain of this cannon. The whole Camp Crystal Lake story begins with Jason's mother, Pamela Voorhees, who began killing camp counselors for revenge after they let her boy Jason drown in the lake. This mother of the year even hears her dead son speaking to her, which we see later is really Pamela speaking to herself.

In fact, the famous background noise that is often confused for "Chi-chi-chi-chi ah-ah-ah-ah" is really Jason in his mother's head saying, "Ki-ki-ki-ki Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma". This is believed to be a crude translation for "kill" and "Mom", which represents Jason asking his mother to kill the camp counselors. Perfect example of a probably already unstable helicopter mom being pushed WAY over the edge. Mrs. Voorhees was a great villain, so why did Jason end up being this franchise's mascot? Well for one, she gets her head cut off at the end of the movie, although Jason has died and come back to life so many times for reasons we'll never know. Also, how did Jason come back to life in the first place? The whole reason the first movie happened was because he died. Maybe Hollywood decided a giant, silently threatening man in a hockey mask was scarier than a deranged mother craving revenge? All I have to say is, don't fuck with Mama bear.

7. Frank Booth - Blue Velvet
Oh boy, talk about a bad man. Dennis Hopper, in what I think is one of his best roles, plays Frank Booth, a violent drug dealer who has forced a lounge singer into sex slavery by kidnapping her husband and child. Insane and sadistic, he huffs an unknown gas (clarified by Dennis Hopper to be amyl nitrite) which creepily transports him into this weird fantasy where Dorothy the singer is "Mommy" and he is "Daddy" and "Baby". Yikes. I bet you thought you had weird kinks. Unpredictable, this maniac can fly off the handle at any moment. One second, he is laughing and joking, the next second, he is viciously beating you to a pulp. Frank Booth is the definition of "zero to one hundred real quick". He's no fool though. Frank is in cahoots with a dirty cop who kills off the drug dealing competition and gives him their product from the evidence room. Who knew such a crazy person could be such a smart businessman? Just make sure you're not near Frank when he flies off the handle.

6. Annie Wilkes - Misery
The ultimate super fan. From the movie based on the scary Stephen King novel, Kathy Bates actually won an Oscar for her performance as Annie Wilkes. Annie saves a badly wounded man after he crashes his car in a snow storm. Upon bringing him back to her house to help him, she realizes he is her favorite author, Paul Sheldon, who writes her favorite book series, which is centered on the character Misery. Star struck, she begins to nurse him back to health and out of gratitude, he lets her read the last Misery book ever written. Sounds like a sweet, heart-warming story, right? What a kind woman, you may think. WRONG. 

She finds out Misery gets killed off and completely loses her shit. She holds Paul hostage, forcing him to rewrite the book for her, because Annie MUST have her happy ending. Try as he might to escape, Annie refuses to let Paul go, and even takes a sledgehammer to his legs to "hobble" him, which in her mind is truly romantic as she finishes with the words, "God, I love you." Think that's messed up? In the book she uses an axe. YEAH. Annie is one of those people you see in public that looks normal and can act normal, but something feels off about them. She's the person in a retail store that will smile and have a friendly chat with the cashier, but the second something rings up incorrectly, she does a complete 180 and starts foaming at the mouth and threatening death to a complete stranger. As humans, its natural for us to want people to like us, but Annie Wilkes is definitely someone you don't want as an admirer.

5. John Ryder - The Hitcher (1986)
Rutger Hauer totally owns this role as a psychopath who could care less about motives. This is the ultimate example of why you never ever pick up a hitchhiker EVER. A young man, Jim Halsey, makes the worst mistake of his life by picking up the hitchhiker John Ryder, while delivering a car from Chicago to San Diego. The scariest thing about Ryder is his calm nature. After passing a car, John explains in a matter of fact tone that he brutally murdered the family inside and that he plans to do the same to Jim. It's bizarre to hear a death threat delivered like someone was talking about how nice the weather is. Jim manages to force him out of the moving car and that's where fun begins. John Ryder is not the type of man to go, "Aw shucks. I guess I'll get him next time." No. This guy is absolutely relentless.

He continues to stalk Jim, a complete stranger, taunting him, killing people around him, trying to run over him, and even puts some dudes finger in his lunch. There's never an explanation for his madness, just this invisible drive that keeps him toying with his prey. Oh, did I mention his creativity? After Jim teams up with Nash, a diner waitress who was present for the finger fiasco, John abducts her for his sick game that he is about to play out in front of our eyes. The scene is at truck: Nash is a human trailer hitch as her hands are tied to the truck front and her legs are tied to the trailer. She dangles in between helplessly as John Ryder sits calmly in the driver's seat with his foot on the clutch. So commences the grimmest game of "What Happens Next?". You may ask yourself, "What kind of a maniac draws and quarters a person?!" John. John Ryder does. I recommend the 1986 original over the remake. While I love Sean Bean, the 2007 remake added nothing new to the character or the story.

4. Asami Yamazaki - Audition
You know when you look on the news and they discovered some person was doing awful things and they interview the neighbor who says, "They were so quiet and nice. I had no idea." Well, Asami Yamazaki is the perfect example of, "It's always the quiet ones."  A widower, Shigeharu Aoyama, holds a fake audition to find a new wife, thus leading him to Asami. A shy, sweet, and pretty young girl, Asami enchants Aoyama and he agrees to call her. We soon find out, however, that Asami has a dark past filled with skeletons in her closet. All of her references on the resume she gave at the audition are dead ends...literally. It seems most of her references came to a violent demise, but who can possibly notice red flags when you're in love!?!?!

That's why, despite this, he calls Asami. When her phone rings, we see her sitting hunched in a derelict room that is completely empty aside from a mysterious sack...WHICH THEN BEGINS TO MOVE. What's in the sack you say? Perhaps her last boyfriend, as we later find inside the sack is a man missing both feet, his tongue, one ear, and three fingers. The insanity of Asami drives her to mutilate her lovers for not loving her and only her. Her tools of evil are delicate torture devices such as needles and wires, which she utilizes very slowly, since her paralyzed victims cannot escape. Talk about a high maintenance woman. If you date Asami, you better make sure all attention is paid to her, or else you WILL find out how much love can hurt.

3. Margaret White - Carrie
What can be worse than a mother that abuses her own child? When she uses religion to justify it. Meet Margaret White, the poster girl for crazy religious zealots. We all know her daughter Carrie, who is the title character. What some of us don't realize, however, is that Margaret White is the driving force behind this story. If Margaret White was a good, sane mother, this could have easily ended up as a Disney movie special where everyone lives happily ever after (think Matilda). "Carrie, did you levitate the neighbor's dog again?" "I'm sorry Mama, he barked and scared me." "It's okay, honey. Just try to be more careful next time. Love you!" See? The story could have been so different! Thankfully, Margaret is loony tunes, which is why the story ends up the way it does. I mean, on a serious level, getting your period is bad enough. It's messy, there are cramps, and you're already super emotional. Not only did Margaret never educate Carrie on what menstruation was, which is evil in itself, she treated Carrie like a demon for doing what all women naturally do. It seems Margaret White hates everything about the female form, as it is usually the main topic of her tirades. Carrie gets her first period. "GO TO THE CLOSET AND PRAY." Carrie starts to come out of her shell. "I CAN SEE YOUR DIRTY PILLOWS." We realize she acts this way because she is projecting herself onto Carrie.

Margaret was irresponsible, had unprotected sex, conceived Carrie out of wedlock, and was deserted by Carrie's father. To justify these life changing events, she blamed herself instead of the jerk that left her. To her, it was her body that was unclean, her body that made her do these filthy, naughty deeds. She uses God to hide behind instead of dealing with her harmful image of herself and when Carrie starts to show signs of becoming a woman, she assumes Carrie will act just like her. Why? I think Margaret secretly wants to be right about Carrie. I think she wants Carrie to end up just like her so Margaret isn't the only one who has fallen from grace. If Carrie doesn't end up like her, then it proves the female figure isn't the issue, it's Margaret herself. Thus explains the destructive and abusive nature of Margaret White and her lifelong attempt to bring her daughter down to her level of self-consciousness and inadequacy. As a side note, whether you're watching the 1976 original or the 2013 remake, both Piper Laurie and Julianne Moore do an excellent job at portraying this evil woman.

2. Henry - Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
The horror genre has been going through a trend where certain horror movies have been deemed "too scary" to finish. This is by no means a new trend. Back in 1986, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer was one of those movies that you were dared to watch. It originally received an X rating, which was only given to pornographic films (NC-17 wasn't invented yet) . The X rating was refused and the movie was released unrated. It was said to be too horrifying to finish, and while some may think it couldn't possibly be scary now in 2019, I can assure you this movie still holds up.

In his first movie role, Michael Rooker plays Henry, a seemingly normal guy who is actually a serial killer. He needs a place to live and ends up staying with his prison buddy Otis, a despicable man living with his abused sister Becky. The characters Henry and Otis are actually loosely based on the real life killers Henry Lee Lucas and Ottis Toole. The best word I can use to summarize the story is "unpleasant". A lot of the villains on this list are outwardly aggressive and obvious bad guys. Not Henry. The thing that makes him so scary is the fact that he could be anyone. You could see him buying groceries at the store. He could be the guy in line at the bank. Even as he murders people, his face remains an emotionless, calm mask. He slaughters people almost as if its a mundane, everyday task, like brushing your teeth. He doesn't need a reason to kill you either. If you cross Henry's path and end up dead, the reason is most likely, "just because".

1. Candyman/Daniel Robitaille - Candyman
I like to call him the female Bloody Mary because the character Candyman is a supernatural being that comes when you say his name 5 times in the mirror. You may have heard his name as of late. Jordan Peele, Oscar winning director of "Get Out" and "Us", has announced that he will be remaking the movie, bringing Candyman back to the limelight. However, until that movie is released, I still consider him to be a lesser-known villain. I say this because when the announcement was made, most people around my age and younger all looked at each other and went, "Who the hell is Candyman?" (For those of you doing the math, I am 27 years old). Candyman is a tragic villain, which follows my strict belief that villains are not born, they are created. Candyman is the tormented spirit of Daniel Robitaille, an artist and son of a slave. He fell in love with a white woman he was hired to paint and fathered her child, which in the year 1890 was a big no-no. The woman's father hired a lynch mob to kill Daniel. They cut off his painting hand, replacing it with a rusty hook, and then smeared him in honey, letting angry bees sting him to death. Why the name Candyman? As he lay dying, a little boy from the mob went up to his body, took some honey off him with his finger, LICKED IT, and exclaimed how sweet it was. At that point the mob chanted "Candyman" until Daniel died. And this little messed up tale is only the backstory for the movie!

An angry spirit, he haunts present day Cabrini-Green, a housing project that is the location of his scattered ashes. Anybody who calls him five times in a mirror will be murdered quite spectacularly. Truly, there is a decent amount of gore. He mirrors the lack of mercy as a ghost that the lynch mob showed him as a man. Just the image of Candyman is grisly, mainly his exposed ribcage that has live bees crawling out of it. Which by the way, let us take a moment to appreciate Tony Todd. He is the actor who played Candyman, who did indeed let live bees crawl all over him, even inside his mouth. True dedication. It is his efforts and these reasons that Candyman is at the top of my list. In fact, he has so much promise as a potential popular villain, I predict he will be the hottest Halloween costume in coming years, especially once the remake comes out.

What do you think? Do you agree with my list? Is there someone I forgot? Let me know in the comments below!

Weird News of the Week

Pilot Reports Mysterious ‘Cylindrical Object’ Over Aircraft  Click here to learn more Could Humans Ever Be Venomous? Click here to learn m...